live in concert part 2

This has been a good summer. A much better summer than I was anticipating. Not my favorite but still good. Part of the reason why it has been so good is because I have saved up some money. Not a lot, but enough that I do not feel so guilty spending money on live music. So far, I've been to 3 this summer and I've got 2 more next week.

Seinabo Sey with James Davis-

Showbox Sodo Lounge, Seattle, WA. June 6th, 2015. Solo again. I have been beyond excited to Seinabo Sey (Sign-a-boo See)  for months and months now. She is a big beautiful black woman from Sweden. When I listen to her, I can't help but imagine a powerful queen of a planet or something. She has such an incredibly mature and soaring voice that carries so much power and yet so much delicacy and realness at the same time. I found her from a Buzzfeed article about "50 songs you missed this summer" or something like that. Not to mention her lyrics are raw and emotional and poetic. She wears this long flowing red robe whenever she performs like the true queen that she is. Again, I tried to recruit ONE SOUL to go with me and yet again, everyone was dumb and did not realize what an opportunity they were missing out on. So away I went. Showbox Sodo Lounge. I haven't been to that venue ever. I drove the car down and somehow magically found a FREE parking spot literally on the same block, despite the Mariners game going on only a couple blocks away. I got there a little early because I have a thing about being in the front row if I can help it. So I show up, and see no line at all whatsoever and the show is about to be starting in 30 minutes. I walk around the building a couple times, trying to find a line that I obviously am missing. Eventually, two girls start walking towards me with a similar look of confusion. We pass each other, both on the same train of thought. I then turn around and they turn around and we realize we are both there for the same reason. I tell them that I am there alone and ask if I can join them for the evening. They are very nice and friendly of course. Their names are Rabecca and Tiffany and they have been best friends forever. Soon after, the doors are opened and we walk in, ready to run to the front row to secure my spot right in front of the stage. Lo and behold, this is no typical venue but rather a lounge. Huh. Imagine that, Showbox Sodo Lounge is an actual lounge. Go figure. I don't know why that didn't click in my head before. We walk in and there is just a tiny little stage to side with a long bar. I had a weird reflection moment then. I still feel so young but I guess I am old enough to go to a bar and purchase alcohol. This is what typical young adults do to meet people. I went to a show and I met people. This is how non-Mormons make friends. I can't help but think that would make things so much harder but maybe the aspect of alcohol makes things easier? And you are going to meet so many different kinds of people from all different kinds of places unlike Mormons who meet people in their single wards at BYU and you usually have at least 10 mutual friends. It's just very interesting to me. Anyway. the place slowly slowly slooooowly gathered a couple other random souls but Rabecca and Tiffany and I had already secured the front table closest to the stage. They were super friendly and it turns out that Rabecca is just as big of a music fan as I am! She has a music blog with her cousins called "Bells and Beats". This was my kind of person! We then go on for 20 minutes talking about all the concerts we have been to and who our favorites are, FINALLY someone who will talk about music with me forever! I was feeling pretty good. Soon the opening act made their way to the stage. Their name is James Davis, they are all siblings, two of them identical girls. I had only listened to a couple of their songs a couple hours before but I was pleasantly surprised how good they were. They are very sultry and R&B and one of the sisters had some serious pipes while the other was more subtle and silky. They complimented each other very nicely. My favorite songs by them are "Co-Pilot" and "On Me". After James Davis finished, A couple people started to make their way to the open area in front of the tiny stage, blocking my perfect view of where Seinabo would soon be. Then, before I could do anything else, She entered, red flowing robes and all. I felt butterflies in my stomach. She started with "Pistols at Dawn", immediately striking fear into every heart. That song makes me feel anger towards someone I don't even know. I want to dress up like a cowboy and have a proper shootout in a ghost town. As soon as she finished her vengeful anthem, she immediately smiled the warmest grin and quietly thanked all 30 of us for coming. What a lovely person. Truly one of the sweetest, most gentle humans ever. I was beyond shocked that not all of Seattle was packed in there to witness her feats of vocal strength. Unfortunately, Seinabo has not come out with a full length album yet and I think that is probably why she is not as well-known, despite the remix of her song "Younger" having been listened to over 60 million times on Spotify. I was embarrassed for Seattle and just wanted to explain to her that we were having an off night or something. Now she will never come back. Anyway, I moved to the stage so I could stand in her presence and was just 5 feet away from her. We made eye contact. She finished her set, sang a couple new songs which haven't been released yet. And just like that, she was gone. It's always such a cool feeling for me to go months obsessing over an artist and then get the experience to see them real in the flesh and experience their music along side with them. I said goodbye to Rabecca and Tiffany, not after taking a selfie with them and adding each other on FB. Rabecca and I agreed that if there were any other concerts we were going to and needed somebody to go with, we would call each other. Overall, it was a good night. Seinabo did an amazing job, I just wish more people would have been there so I didn't feel so weird standing alone right in front of her, swaying and dancing. Still totally worth it. I also just hope Seinabo knows that maybe not all of Seattle appreciates her yet, but the ones who do, appreciate deeper than everyone else. Yes it was sad for me to not have moral support from someone I knew but hey! I totally put myself out there! This has definitely been my year of solo adventuring. It's been weird but overall I am getting a lot of unique experiences that I know I'll regret if I don't take them. Like Seinabo said, "You ain't getting any younger younger younger, are ya?"

One Direction with Icona Pop-

Centurylink Field. July 15th, 2015. Rachel, Amanda, Allison, Mckenna, Jessica but also kinda alone. My heart is beating out of my chest just typing about it. Rachel told me a couple of months ago that she was coming up to Seattle to go to the One Direction concert. I didn't even realize that they were coming. I legitimately got depressed over the fact that Zayn left 1D and now there would be no chance of me seeing him in the flesh, or at least sing those glorious high notes (hi "You and I"). I checked out the tickets but it looked like everything around Rachel was sold out. I also didn't know how I felt being so far away from them. So I decided to take the plunge and buy a solo ticket on the floor for $126. I was absolutely ecstatic. But let me also say I love how much I hate to love them. 1D legitimately tortures me. I've actually had deep philosophical  thoughts about the movement that is One Direction. Here are 5 (I'm counting Zayn. Never forget.) attractive talented young men who have literally millions of girls obsessed with them, 100% of whom if asked would leave everything behind, disown their families, or cut off a limb just to touch them. Doesn't help that literally every single one of their songs are catchy OH YEAH AND THEY ARE BRITISH. I honestly had a hard time believing they are actually real people. They are so completely marketed and branded, down to the hairs on their head. Every song is centered toward every insecurity that every teenage girl has or young women have faced and maybe still do. They are there to dry your tears with their pop perfection. They know girls and they know what they want. And something about that is so wrong to me. I hate how every single lyric directly addresses things I have felt or wanted from a guy. They are perfectly formulate to be the perfect boyfriends. It's not fair. I feel like I have no choice but to succumb to their romantic promises and enchanting vocals. But then again, they are also younger than me! They are not real people! They are paid to be this way! And yet, they have this scary ability to make you forget and second-guess, like maybe there really is a chance that you could be the one, the future Mrs. Styles. It's weird, creepy and I just hate it. I could go on for hours and if anyone ever does want to seriously dissect this topic with me, I would be so incredibly interested.

Anyway, on to the actual concert. This girl Jessica who I met last summer at a party messaged me after I posted a FB status announcing that I was going to One Direction and asked if she could join. I said yes, She luckily found a ticket in the same section and row as me. So I no longer would be totally alone. My friend Allison was also visiting this week and we magically found her and my sister a ticket for $35 right behind Rachel the day of! So it was a big old party now, even though the party would be in different areas of the party. We arrive to the stadium FINALLY after waiting in traffic for literally an hour, even though we only needed to go about half an hour away. The spirit of 1D was in the air. You could feel the tension. But maybe the hundreds and hundreds of girls completely decked out in 1D merch gave it away. Seriously, I have never seen more girls in my whole life. It made me think back to the time when Jonas Brothers were the big thing and all my high school girlfriends and I went together. Except this was on such a bigger scale. Jessica and I say goodbye to everyone and make our way down to the floor. I was super super disappointed to see that my seat was on the very edge of the furthest section on the floor. We were far. But oh well, I need to remember how blessed I was to be there in the first place. Anyway, I take a picture for these two girls sitting in front of us and eventually strike up a conversation with them both. They are super friendly and nice and our age so it was an immediate bond. We dance to Icona Pop who were really fun and I am slightly obsessed with their synchronized dancing. Definitely need to listen to them more.  While we were waiting for the main event, they would play videos on the big screen and I swear whenever a new person came on, all the girls would start screaming and I didn't know who half of them were. It is so strange and really scary to me that there is this whole teenage world that I just have no idea about. I really worry that people are too obsessed with promoting other peoples lives more than their own. There is now this thing called social media stars? What is that? WHY is that? There is simply too much love and infatuation for people who are paid to have these fans and show them how much they love them for really doing nothing. That is another topic I am super interested to talk about more with anyone who has the time. Anyway, we seriously waited 1 hour and 15 minutes, I danced the ENTIRE time and after a million ads for Honda, they FINALLY come on. And boy did they come on. It was actually insane and I have not felt that much anticipation ever, even Beyonce. They weren't there and then all of the sudden they were. There was no way to prepare. They started off with "Clouds" and I just knew it was going to be such a magical night. There they were. Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam. I couldn't help but feel like they were mythical creatures and I had to see them in the flesh to actually believe they were real. From the minute they stepped on stage, to the minute they left. I was dancing and singing. I have not sweated that much in a long time. I actually probably burnt 1000 calories honestly. Highlights for me were ""Story of My Life", "Girl Almighty" and "Act My Age". Who am I kidding, all of it was the highlight. Except for "Little Things". I absolutely despise that song. It is simply too targeted to female insecurities and the biggest lie ever. They sing about loving girls no matter what size they are and that it's ok if they have a little more to love when we all know these boys only date hot skinny Taylor Swifts. But I'll let it go for now. I now understand why they are such a big deal. They are so good to their fans. I also learned how much of a difference being near the stage makes. Those lucky fans in the front rows don't pay hundreds of dollars to just be near them. They pay that money in hopes of getting a chance to be picked out by one of the boys. They are so personable with the audience. I have never seen a show where the performers have interacted so much with the fans. They were taking selfies with their phones, they were reading their signs, people would throw hats on the stage for them to wear. It's just complete insanity. There is nothing like it. They are force to reckon with. I have promised myself that I will see them again and I will spend the money to be close to the stage. I can't wait for the day when I can tell my kids about their mom going to a One Direction concert. I honestly wish I could just be rid of this puppy love feeling I have for them because it actually makes me sick and makes my heart ache. It's weird and I can't explain it but I also can't deny it.

                                       

Ryn Weaver with Sam Dew-

Neumos, Seattle, WA. July 17th, 2015. With Ashlyn but really that means by myself. I found Ryn on another one of those Buzzfeed articles last year. "Octahate" is one of the most perfect songs I've ever heard. It simply packages every unhappy ending I've had with guys and so poetically justifies that of a one-sided and toxic relationship. Since then, I have found every single song she has released since then has been pure indie pop perfection. She finally released a full album last month and it is nearly perfect.The album is all about a messy breakup she had, letting go of it and not only moving on, but going above and beyond! Exploring! Venturing out on her own! Something I really relate to or at least have been trying to learn for myself this year. So obviously I jumped at the chance to go see her. Unfortunately, I bought a ticket for my friend Allison because she is the only other Ryn fan I know and she conveniently would be visiting the same time. She then had to leave unexpectedly a couple days earlier and so here I was again, going to a show by myself. The day of, I begged Ashlyn to come with me which in the long run was a dumb idea. Ashlyn hates live music. Or at least she hates the shows where you have to touch people and be close to the stage and sweat and stand. We also don't care for the same music. It's hard for our relationship. So I dragged her along to Neumos a little before 8 when the show was supposed to start, which was conveniently a block away from dad's work. Or at least I dropped her off at dad's work and I went early so I could try to get a good seat. What I didn't realize was that the doors OPENED at 8 and Ryn actually wouldn't be on until 10:15. Ashlyn was going to kill me. Oh well. I ended up in the front row hehe again because I don't settle for less. Finally Ashlyn decided to join me and was hating life the whole time. Sam Dew came on. He was a short guy with some sweet dance moves. Really feeling the music. He has a serious Frank Ocean vibe and really loved him. He has an incredible incredible voice. But all of his songs sounded the same to me. But a really good song! Ryn came on and just exploded. She is quite the performer. She does not hold back at all and will slither across the floor and jerk her body violently. She was sweating almost immediately but so were all of us. Best songs were for sure  I just wanted her attention so bad. But for some strange reason she weirdly favorited the left side of the stage. She didn't come over to my side once. It might have something to do with the fact that I had some old grandpa standing next to me with ear plugs in. He was just there for a couple pictures and then ditched. So obviously everyone swarmed and I still was stuck to the side. Not fair. I bought a shirt before the show and apparently if you bought any of her merchandise, you could stay after for a meet and greet which is absolutely brilliant! So after the show I waited in line with a bunch of little immature teenagers who were swearing more more than a Kanye West concert. I was so nervous to talk to her for some weird reason but when my turn finally came, I told her how much her album helped me find myself after a really rough relationship and she just gushed and hugged me. Such a kind human. We took some selfies which I instantly regret. Do not even try to ask me why I tried kissing her on the cheek for one of the pictures, I have never felt more immature honestly. Selfies are just stupid and I hate them. I should have had someone take it for us but oh well. I got her to sign my shirt and I told her how much I love her and that's what's important. This concert made me think about how much more fun concerts are when you have people to go with and how much I wish I had friends who loved live music as much as me. I try not to let that stop me from having the best time but it is hard when you have no one to talk to in between sets and when you can sing the songs together. But it's ok. My husband will love them just as much as I do and we will go to all the shows together. I still had a wonderful time at all of these shows and I'm grateful for the opportunities.

                                     

This concludes the second segment of live in concert.

hozier took me to church tonight

There is no way that I will be able to sleep until I blog about the concert I attended tonight. But I also keep getting distracted because I keep rewatching the videos and pictures I took. And my throat burns and I am 99% sure I will have no voice tomorrow morning. But totally worth it.

Dare I say that this was the best concert I have ever been to? I am scared to because is it possible for this man to have trumped Queen B?!

This truly was one of the most incredible musical moments of my life. I feel like I say that every time but this was so different than any other experience. I had to work hard and completely put myself out there and by the end of the night, I actually have a really great story to tell.

Hozier with Asgeir-
The Paramount Theatre, Seattle, WA. February 14th 2015. Solo. So I was planning on going to Hozier for months. I had a brilliant plan to take Anna with me as a little homecoming present even though she had never heard of him.  I knew she would like him though. It was going to be perfect. We would go on Valentine's Day together and celebrate music rather than love.

As time went on and Anna came home, I realized that I had not paid my tithing in a couple months oops sorry so I sold the tickets to pay my tithing first and then I figured some would pop up on craigslist as they always do as time grew closer. Then Anna decides to let some boy come up to visit her over this weekend, dashing all of my plans.

Yes, I could have bought a ticket for somebody else to come with me but there is no one who I was willing to spend that much money on to come besides her.

Feeling bitter and annoyed, I decided that I was going anyway because nobody stops me when it comes to my favorite thing.

How ironic was it though that Anna and the boy were the ones to take me and drop me off at the show. I felt like I was a 15-year-old getting dropped off at the mall. It's about 7:10 or so when I pick up my ticket and then I start to panic as I watch the line to get in go back about 2 blocks. My heart sinks at the idea of having to go to the very back and stand awkwardly alone just to get a sucky seat like I had for Sam Smith. I had a very sad idea of what my night was going to look like.

I paced around the block, seeing if maybe there was a SINGLE familiar face but what would you know, not one. My heart sunk a little and I eventually slunk my way up to the very front and awkwardly stood at a distance by myself, simply not knowing what to do. I stood there for a solid 5 minutes before I decided to build up the courage to go up to the kids standing at the very front of the line.

Now this truly was one of the more awkward situations I have been in. I have never been more pitiful or desperate to be part of a group in all my life. I slowly approached and made contact with a "Hi okay so I know this is going to be so weird and so lame but I am at this show completely by myself with no friends so I was wondering if I could stand with you guys?"

This one girl gives me one of the meanest looks I have ever received in all my life. I'll just quote the conversation from here. MG stands for Mean Girl

MG:Well this is the front of the line.
Me: I know, I was just hoping to have someone to talk to.
MG: Okay that's fine.
Me: So where are you all from?
MG: Bothell (this is without looking me in the eyes and slowly turns around to whisper something to one of her friends)

I make a desperate attempt to see if they will let me actually stand with them and so I turn to another girl and ask her if she would be okay with me going in behind them. Another girl overhears and asks me if I am part of the squad now. I so pathetically reply with a "I want to be if that's okay!" I make up a story of how I just barely moved up here and don't have that many friends and my friend bailed on me super last minute with a date I KNOW I AM THE WORST HUMAN. Some of it was kinda true though! All of the people feel bad and they said I can hang with them. I am absolutely relieved but MG is not thrilled. These people had been waiting in line since 10:30 that morning!! I honestly felt so bad and I absolutely hated being that person. But I also was completely by myself and felt more bad for myself.

Suddenly the line is moving and it is game time. We all start to walk briskly to the entrance. I am in. I am in the front row, far left and eternally grateful. Here is a picture I took I took of the opening act. I definitely feel like I was much closer than how it looks here in the pic.

I have secured my spot. The girl I am standing next to is Krista who is still in high school. She is super nice and I talk to her and her best friend Deeyanna for the most of the night. MG is on the complete other side, front and center OKAY THERE YA HAPPY YA PUNK?? Seriously the girl needed to chill.

I always buy a shirt at every concert I go to. I always like to go before the show starts so I don't have to deal with the crowds later. So I go to purchase said shirt and then make my way back to my new friends and sweet spot. The guy takes a look at my ticket and tells me I can't go back in because my ticket is for the BALCONY!!! My heart dropped into my stomach in that very moment.

Now I will be honest, I was not proud of the girl that I was this night. I did not like manipulating strangers to give me a spot next to them on the front row. I did not like the behavior of the girl I became when this usher denied me access. I began to plead, whine and beg, trying to tell them my whole story, hoping they would have some pity. I explained that I was completely alone and that I had just barely made some friends who were saving me a spot and that the people had let me in earlier with all the hustle and bustle. The usher explained that they could not allow it and that I could go to the other entrances and see if they would let me in. So I did just that. And every one of them suddenly denied me. So I am about to start crying. This would happen to me. I was such an idiot for getting a shirt. This was just my luck, that I would end up not getting to see Hozier up in the flesh, it was too good to be true, for me to just be able to go have an amazing seat. I desperately look around, hoping someone will jump out and say they have a ticket I can use. I start walking around the place. I walk back to the entrance to try to see if they will exchange it at the box office only to see that there is no re-entry so really what am I expected to do??

I was then blessed by Heavenly Father for paying my tithing in full because I just so happened to hear a woman in the corner telling an usher that she had an orchestra ticket but needed a balcony ticket. So without hesitation, I approached her with crazy eyes, looking like I'm about to burst into tears, practically crying "I have a balcony ticket!!!". She cautiously takes the ticket from me, checks it out and then trades me and I immediately turn around and run back to finally be allowed back into my rightful spot. I've got my spot and my shirt and I am good to go. Here is a picture of me with my new friends who were the absolute sweetest and nicest and I am forever grateful that they let me crash their party. Below that is a picture of "THE SQUAD". MG is the last one you can see looking at the camera at the far end.

MAKING FRIENDS AT CONCERTS!

Asgeir was the opening act. He is this guy from Iceland who I thoroughly enjoyed. He reminded me of a more eerie chill Sigur Ros. I bopped my head along for his set. He ended with an INCREDIBLE cover of "Heart-Shaped Box" by Nirvana. One of the best covers I've ever heard of any song. And what better place to play it then in Nirvana's hometown of Seattle?? The crowd went absolutely nuts over it. Here is a video of the cover. Gives me chills.

Then. There was Hozier. He gets on about 9:30. even though the show started at 8:30. I knew it was going to be a later night. The crowd goes ballistic. I don't know if I have felt that much energy from a crowd in a long time. He opened with "Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene", which is one of my favorites...ugh they are all my favorites. From the first strum of his guitar, you could tell that this guy knew what he was doing and that he absolutely loved what he was doing. I feel like he was smiling at himself the entire time. And him and I definitely made eye contact once, MAYBE twice. But for sure at least once.

My favorite moments from the show was when he performed "Angel of Small Death", "Jackie and Wilson" (I am so seriously considering naming my children Jackie and Wilson now), "From Eden" and "In A Week". The bass was so loud. I could feel it in my chest and that is one of my favorite feelings in the world.

Basically everything he did was perfect. Seriously. Every word and note that came out of his mouth was honey. He was so cute and nice and I died over his accent. I really was not attracted to him at all but after tonight, I think so differently. I have never been a huge fan of the "mun" (man-bun) trend that is going around. But after seeing him, I am completely changed.

I was surprised that "Take Me To Church" was the last song that he sang in that set. I would have expected it to be his encore. But this was probably the most powerful part of the concert definitely. He then leaves and I have never heard a crowd cheer so loudly for an encore.

He comes back out and gives me the song I was waiting for, Cherry Wine. I couldn't believe that that was going to be his last song! So thank goodness it wasn't. Hozier then performed 3 more songs in addition to "Cherry Wine"!! That's 4 encore songs!! It was absolutely brilliant. I kind of loved that he did that. That's the way to do it! It thrilled me that he wasn't leaving just yet.

He did a cover of "Problem" by Ariana Grande which was fun and everyone danced to. And then he really ended the night with "Work Song".

Morals of the story:

1. It is possible to have an amazing time and to adventure by yourself because you might get opportunities you wouldn't have if you didn't step out of your box.
2. Everyone should go see Hozier live.
3. Being front row is the difference between an okay experience to an unforgettable one.
4. If you pay your tithing, God will bless you.

THANK YOU HOZIER.

this is a song - nobody to love by alex newell

I am addicted to this. That's all I think I can say.

A billion times better than the original.
It makes me feel hopeful and excited and dance.
What is not to love?

this is a song - sledgehammer by fifth harmony

Since the "Wrecking Ball" music video, Miley smashed all the happy thoughts I ever had about sledgehammers. 

But Fifth Harmony has somehow managed to redeem the inanimate object with this.

I love how much I love this song.

I think what gets me the most is the synthesizer following "it would hit you like a sledgehammer".

It's like it's imitating the echos and vibrations that come from a strong swing and hit of the powerful sledgehammer.

LISTEN AND OBSESS.

dear future husband

Last night I had a little video chat date with my dear friend Zach Snow.

To any single ladies who may read this, if you are looking for a quality guy, look no further than Zach. Zach should be a motivational speaker or a life coach. He is the best cheerleader and always makes me want to be a better person. I always feel happier after talking to him. Zach is honestly probably the top guy I've ever met at BYU and he is really going places. He is a priceless gem who I think the world of but due to our height differences, it creates a physical barrier between us and I hate myself everyday for not being shorter.

ZACH I WANT YOU TO KNOW I DON'T CARE AT ALL. I AM DEEPER THAN THAT. I AM PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU. I WOULD HAVE YOU IF YOU WOULD HAVE ME.

Otherwise, we would be married right now. Or at least I tell myself that.

Anyways, we discussed a variety of things, life, love, the pursuit of happiness, etc. At one point we were talking about what we are looking for in a significant other. Right now, based on where I am, I know that I am not where I should be in order to be able to commit to someone else for all eternity. Even though I should be, I know that I am not my absolute best self right now. I am slowly making progress and working on becoming better and healthier so that I can feel truly worthy of that person and so that I can be the person they deserve.

That being said, it was still a really interesting discussion topic and I found myself  really surprised that I didn't have a clearer answer. I feel like every girl has an idea of their perfect man and exactly what they want. I know that I have fantasized about this dream guy before. But when it comes to reality, my thought process has changed over time because I have changed over time.

Maybe because I am so not in the mindset to get married and haven't been for a while now, I've forgotten what I want. In my dating experience though, I think I've just learned to stop looking for someone who fits a checklist. I evaluate relationships based on how the person makes me feel and what they bring out in me.

So I decided to take some time to write down a list of what I notice based on the guys I surround myself with. It was also interesting to recognize what coincides and what differentiates between what I immediately notice and look for in a person and what are actual important qualities. I realized that these are also all things that I really want to work on for myself but some are also strengths that I do possess and I think that's why they are so important to me. This list goes in order of what immediately came to my mind first but not necessarily what immediately attracts me to someone first.

1. Humble: I feel like the number one thing I always notice in guys is how humble they are. I know that I am slightly sensitive to guys who feel entitled to certain things and address that through their words and mannerisms. I am aware that girls can be just as selfish and it does bother me, but I am definitely more easily annoyed by guys (sorry that's just how it is!). There is a difference between confidence and cockiness. I want someone who is willing to admit when he is wrong, to recognize his flaws and be willing to apologize but is confident enough in himself to work on it and become better. I've noticed that in too many relationships where one person is too stubborn and prideful. It's something I have noticed in my dad which can be really straining on our relationship sometimes. I always end up being the one to apologize first and sometimes we do leave arguments with him still believing he was right but I think it shows respect for the other when you look past yourself in order to find peace and reconciliation. I think humility also reflects your willingness to turn to Heavenly Father and recognize how much we need him in our daily lives as well as how willing we are to align our will with His. 
2. Friendly: My friends are the most important people in my life next to family. I want someone who recognizes the importance they are to me and makes it a priority to bring them into their life as well. I want someone who I can bring to a party and don't feel like I have to babysit or protect, who is confident and is excited about people and getting to know them better. Someone who is willing to ask other questions and learn about what makes them tick, their fears, their passions. I know that this is something I value because I am extremely passionate about people myself. If Ashlyn, Anna or Hilary are not in love with him, then I know it will be harder for me to be in love with him which is so bad and not right but it's a real thing that I feel.
3. Kind: I have lots of shortcomings and weaknesses. I am very far from a perfect person and have made mistakes and still struggle to not make those mistakes everyday. I know that whoever I end up with is going to have a lot to deal with. I am a very emotional person in that I can be happy or sad over the littlest things. I get excited over dumb stuff. I sometimes get discouraged and depressed and burnt out every once in awhile. I'm not looking for someone who will sympathize or be okay with me carrying on in my ways. I just need someone who is willing to be patient and work with me. Someone who will take the time and listen when I am upset and who doesn't make fun of me for feeling the way I feel. Someone who doesn't dismiss me or leave me to figure things out on my own. Someone who is willing to help me when I fall off but can do so in a kind and loving way. And someone who will take the time to figure out the best way for us to communicate.
4. Fun: This one really would be higher up on my list if I didn't feel like the first three are absolutely essential. Not that fun isn't either...I just don't know what I would do if I didn't feel totally comfortable around the person and feel like I could talk to them about anything and everything. And maybe I just think those other qualities define a person's character more so than others? Maybe that's wrong? Maybe I'll just be fun enough for the both of us. Fun is vital though too, it really is. I would be forever miserable if someone wasn't willing to indulge in hoodrat behavior with me. I want someone who I can take to concerts and who is willing to go crazy and dance like a fool. Someone who will sing with me at the top of their lungs while we drive in the car. Someone who wants to try new things and shows me new things. Definitely someone who is spontaneous and eager about getting out and doing something. But is also okay with staying in and having 80's movie marathons. Someone who is witty and can keep up with my wit, better yet leave me in tears because I am laughing too hard. 
5. Confident: Confidence really is key to being successful, you have to believe in yourself in order to really make a change or make a difference, to build up strength and resilience to whatever opposition comes your way. I want someone who believes in his abilities and will use his strengths to be the best person he can be. I also have now learned for myself that I really want someone who is willing to put himself out there for me. Who is willing to put in the time and is confident about his feelings towards me. Someone who isn't afraid of sharing his thoughts or where he stands and what he is looking for. I've always had the strength of wearing my heart on my sleeve and expressing my feelings towards people who I care for or are interested in. I make it pretty clear how I feel and I'm not intimidated by rejection. However, because of my boldness, sometimes this leads to me being dragged on or I confront them because I want to understand but I am left more confused. Because of this, I usually end up being the one who faces rejection first and it hurts. I've never regretted telling someone how I feel but I also recognize how much I expect that from the other party involved, to be honest and clear with me always and I think this reflects confidence.
6. Works hard: I know that this is extremely important. I just feel guilty putting it on here when I know I do not work very hard at all. When I am motivated and passionate, I will go to every length to make things happen. But when it comes to doing things that I don't want to do, I definitely do not try as hard and am much more prone to give up instead of seeing things through (oops). This is what I need to work on more than anything for sure. It's a skill I did not inherit from my father. He is the hardest worker I know and  this in time has paid off. I know a lot of it has to do with his determination and dedication to learning and working for everything he has earned. I do hope that in time, I will taken enough small steps to gain better follow-through skills. To recognize the lessons and rewards that can be learned through hard work. And when that comes, I can be confident knowing that my significant other will do the same. I believe that anyone who works hard and does their best, they will be rewarded for their efforts and Heavenly Father will be sure we have what we need. I am confident that in whatever work my husband takes up, he will do what is sufficient to provide for our family. I know that I will be supportive of him as he will be supportive of me and my career endeavors. 

This is what I have so far. I am sure I am missing some important stuff as well.

I know that I have a lot of other little fantasies, little tiny things like how they dress and who their favorite musician is/what music they listen to. 

My dream guy has the voice of Michael Buble, the charm of Lloyd Dobler, the grace of Leo DiCaprio, the swagger of Jay-Z, looks of Elvis and the spirituality of Jeffrey R. Holland.

But this is not realistic. That's why it's a dream.

I would obviously never settle when it comes to making the most important decision of my life. But I also feel like people can be too judgmental in the dating scene. There are too many expectations and too much pressure to literally be perfect and your best self 24/7, to have everything going on in every aspect of your life right then and there. It has been so refreshing to be out of the Provo bubble for awhile and take a step back to just chill and really reflect on what I actually want instead of what I am sometimes led to believe I should want. 

Maybe because I recognize all my weaknesses, I just hope that someone would be able to look past some of those and see my true character and desires and see what I am working on and what I'm good at before they write me off. Because I hope someone would do that for me, I feel like I am better able to look at people with an eternal perspective rather than what is on their resumé. 

Maybe my thinking is wrong? Or maybe I am missing something...

Eternal marriage should not be taken lightly, I know that. But I also feel like overcomplicating and overanalyzing dating can quickly distract from what it really is all about, why we are supposed to date, to get to know and see each other the same way that our Heavenly Father sees each of us, as beautiful spirits with eternal potential.

All I want is to find someone who works hard to make me happy and brings out my best.
Someone who is willing to put everything on the line to show his love for me.
Someone who lets me know that he needs me.
Someone who I can grow and learn with.
Someone who will be my teammate and work with me hand in hand to raise a strong family. Someone who will push me to do more.
Someone who will help me on my road to eternal happiness someday.

People claim that the person I am meant to be with is out there and I do believe them still, no matter how hopeless or discouraged I can get. All I know is that right now I need to focus on how I can grow and better myself every day so I can be right where I need to be when he comes around.

live in concert

Concerts are my favorite events to attend (besides the occasional wedding reception provided there is dancing and food). I have spent obnoxious amounts of money to be able to participate in these beautiful, magical, incredible, spiritual experiences.

The feeling that I get from feeling the music vibrating my bones, pumping my blood and my heart beating in my head...I think it's the closest I've ever felt to true love.

I love being there in the flesh with the artist and experiencing their music together. I can't help but feel like they are playing just for me, even in the arenas filled with thousands of other people.

I love the unity amongst fellow fans present, who recognize and appreciate the same sounds that I do and sharing those 2+ hours together, feeling like I'm part of the movement. 

You can count on me to lose my mind, dance like literally no one is watching, buy the shirt, sing every lyric at the top of my lungs and/or cry silent tears every time. 

The number one person who I have to have to HAVE TO see before I die (before he dies for that matter too) is Paul Simon. Obviously I love Bey and will always be her number one fan, but I think people would be surprised to learn that I am slightly more obsessed with Paul Simon. DON'T TELL BEY. He has been number one on my list since going to concerts became one of my hobbies.

I've been very lucky to go to a lot of shows in this life and I hope to be able to go to so many more. So I decided that I should probably do a better job of documenting these experiences by writing down a few words about each one after. After all, they are such a big part of my existence. 

This is my list so far of who I have seen and they are in chronological order to the best of my knowledge. Although some of these concerts may not have been completely perfect, I loved every single one and I'm so grateful to have been a part of each one. If you haven't heard of some of these musicians for some strange reason, you should definitely take the time to educate yourself to each one. 

O Brother Where Art Thou? Concert-
This was my earliest recollection of any concert I've ever been to. I remember going with my parents and sister Ashlyn. I can still remember sitting in the grass to the far right. And really all I remember listening to was Allison Krauss' sweet angelic voice. And of course the Soggy Bottom Boys with "I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow".

NSYNC-
Salt Lake City, UT. 2002. Winter Olympics. Parents and Ashlyn. To be completely honest. I barely remember this concert. It was more of just an outdoor show and I don't think they were there for more than 30 minutes. I do remember our parents surprised us and I geeked out even though I was barely 10 years old. I remember being on my dad's shoulders at one point. We were way way wayyy in the back. But hey, at least I can say I saw JT in the flesh at some point in this life, right?

Rob Thomas-
Marymoor Park, Redmond, WA. Junior High. With my parents and Ashlyn. I remember I wanted to go SOLELY because Jason Mraz was opening. The most important person in my life up until high school was Jason Mraz. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. Rob was good but he swore a lot and my mom was traumatized that she had exposed her daughters to explicit words.

Jason Mraz-
Paramount Theatre. November 10th, 2008. With my parents. FRONT ROW TICKETS. It was my 16th birthday present and I was so beyond shocked that my parents were willing to pay to let me be there front row and it meant so much to me. I remember my camera died almost immediately because I used it up so much taking pictures and documenting how close I was to Jason. This was my biggest dream up until that point coming true. I had been with Jason from the very beginning before "I'm Yours". He definitely looked me right in the eyes at one point. I wore a long sleeve pink shirt because of "Geek in the Pink". Truly one of the best nights in my existence. This picture is one of the 12389082984 that I took.

Coldplay-
The Gorge, George, WA. Summer before senior year. My family, the Rands, the Leavitts Tucker and Anna. Okay so I know that I say a lot of things are my favorite and the best concert ever but I mean COLDPLAY! VIVA LA VIDA TOUR! THE GORGE! I actually don't think it could get better than that. The Rands had bought a bus to take us to the Coldplay concert and all the families went together. I got a bloody nose on the way. Viva La Vida is one of the best albums of all time and I was not disappointed at all. I remember they did a cover of Billie Jean. Chris Martin was so funny and crazy. I danced everywhere. There were so many lights during "Fix You" SO MANY PEOPLE! Honestly a perfect day.

Jonsi-
Showbox Sodo, Seattle,WA. Sometime in high school...I'm pretty positive it was senior year. Drew Choco. I remember Drew introduced me to Jonsi and I was inspired. Truly one of the most beautiful voices ever. And his music moves you and makes you want to climb mountains and run through fields until you fall down and just stare up at the big blue sky and makes you childlike with wonderment. I cry to his music a lot, out of happiness though. "Boy Lilikoi" makes me scream with pure joy and ecstasy. I honestly think that is the song that will play when I enter the gates of heaven. I remember this show I was super uncomfortable because I was with a boy and everyone was edgy and I didn't feel like I fit in. It was so crowded and small and dark. But that soon faded away as Jonsi transported me to another world. And I don't remember what song it was but I can still feel the bass pumping in my heart because it was so loud during the build up and climax of one song specifically. My eyes were closed for the most of the concert because I had the feeeeeeeeeels big time.

Neon Trees-
The Velour, Provo, UT. Summer term of freshman year at college. Tanner Johns. I knew about Neon Trees before "Animals" and was OBSESSED with their first album "Habits". That was definitely the soundtrack of my first semester at college. This was right when "Animals" was climbing the top 100 so Tanner agreed to come along even though he didn't know any of their other stuff. It was his first concert and he just happened to be in Utah that day. It was great timing. I remember we were waiting in line forever. The Velour is such a small venue and the Neon Trees were too big for it to be honest. Once we got in, I swear I have never felt so sweaty or hot. It really was miserable. Standing for literally 5 hours listening to literally 5 different opening acts before Neon Trees FINALLY came on. It was worth the wait, sweat and pain. They totally brought the house down. And I touched Tyler's hand at one point. 

Jason Derulo and BoB-
UCCU Events Center, Orem, UT. September 2010. Ward people. Okay so I really only wanted to go because I went through a serious and intense BoB phase in high school. A ton of kids from my ward were going as well so I wanted to be in and create memories like you are supposed to do in college. I was so pleasantly surprised by Jason Derulo. He was so good and I remember being really attracted to him shirtless. It was just a cheesy happy pop indulgence time that I was really okay with. I was so impressed that Jason could actually hit all the high notes while dancing really good. BoB was so great too and my favorite memory was everyone's glowsticks jumping around the arena when "Magic" started. So much color and light! (PS this was right at the beginning of that trend thing where people wore fake glasses and I was one of those people who did it but it was only for this concert I promise).

Parachute and Kate Voegle-
In The Venue, Salt Lake City, UT. October 2011. Kari and Emily. I was introduced to Parachute in high school. I happened to live next door to two girls in college my sophomore year who loved them just as much as I did. We actually loved them so much we bought Meet and Greet passes LAWLZ. Looking back now, it probably wasn't worth it but at the same time I'm so happy that it happened. Parachute is definitely a very high school fan girl sort of band and us older college girls did not fit in at all whatsoever. I felt so incredibly dumb asking all the members to sign our posters and to take pictures but it was so dumb that we just made it funny and embraced our inner fangirl and laughed it off. The concert was spectacular. Will, their frontman, is a total babe with black hair and blue eyes and he just went crazy with no reserves and did an awesome cover of an Elton John song. And their album that they were promoting, The Way It Was is their best for sure and every single song is so good. These are just a couple of the pictures my friends and I nabbed, some the band consented to, others they did not (like the below picture)

Ellie Goulding and St. Lucia-
Salt Air, Magna, UT. February 2013. Naomi and Anna Marie. This was a really important concert for me to go to because Ellie had helped me through a really bad heartbreak during the fall semester before. I am very emotionally attached to the Halcyon album and could have an in-depth and intellectual conversation as to why that is the break up album of the ages. Anna Marie and I stood outside for what seemed like HOURS in the freezing cold. Honestly one of the more miserable couple hours of my life. But so worth it because we got front row! St. Lucia opened and I was so happy to find a new artist that I liked so much! He was so great and really good live and really got the stage hot and ready for Ellie. Ellie was incredible. She is a goddess. But unfortunately, everyone decided to be total punks and brats. Everyone was too loud even when she asked them to be quieter and there was more pushing and shoving than I have ever experienced anywhere. It was really unfortunate because it made it so hard to enjoy the show when I felt like I had to fight to stand in my spot or to be able to dance but I did anyway. I cried during "My Blood". 

Beyoncé-
MGM Hotel, Las Vegas, NV. June 29th 2013. Nikki, Rachel and Nathan. This is it. If I had to pick my favorite concert, this is the one. People who know me know how big of a deal this was for me to see her live in the flesh. I have only dreamt of ever being in the same room as her. This was my birthday present and Christmas present combined. When I got the tickets, I literally collapsed on the floor in a ball and sobbed. I was in the middle of training for a marathon and what got me through was knowing that a week after I ran it, I would be seeing her. I felt like everything in my life had amounted to that night. And wow. I don't even know where to begin. It truly was one of the most magical nights of my life. I have never danced that hard or screamed so loud in my life. I made a point to completely shut everyone else out, including the older married couples next to me. I refused to let anyone take that night away from me. The highlight was probably towards the end when the opening to "Countdown" started so obviously you expect "Countdown" to be next BUT NO PSYCH SURPRISE HERE IS "CRAZY IN LOVE" INSTEAD. Never have I been more surprised in my life. Never have I whipped my hair so violently ever. I don't care what anyone says, I truly don't believe that Bey is overrated. She truly is one of the most incredible performers and she gives you a show. There was so much theatrics, dancing, lights! She flew through the air in a sparkly blue full-length leotard! She made the audience feel so loved and appreciated. I remember feeling like she left just as soon as she got there. She closed with a powerful new arrangement of "Halo". I had to sit there for awhile after it was over and soak it all in. Then it hit me that it was over and I started crying. She descended and then ascended back into the heavens like an angel. The next day was a hazy dream. My last day in Vegas was spent laying in bed trying to recover, trying to comprehend what had happened to me the night before. 

Dave Matthews-
Usana Amphitheatre, Salt Lake City, UT. August 2013. Jarett and some of his random bros. I was just minding my own business at work one day, when I get a call from my good friend Jarett. He asked me if I was interested in going to the Dave Matthews concert THAT NIGHT! FOR FREE! I immediately accepted and right after work found myself on my way to one of my favorite musicians ever with 5 other dudes. We had super awesome seats next to BYU basketball coach Dave Rose. I remember there were some extremely obnoxious drunk people behind us who literally the entire time shrieked "TWO STEP!!" which was really annoying but whatever David. The thing I loved most about David was the instruments. So many different instruments being used together to make such incredible sounds. I loved how it seemed like each instrument took it's turn in the spotlight until they all fused together for epicness. And Dave has such a cool voice, even if I can't understand a single word he says. "Ants Marching" as the finale was by far my favorite part. So many flashing lights and the volume was INSANE! 

Bastille and HelloGoodbye-
The Complex, Salt Lake City, UT. December 2013. Tyler Tasso. So I actually bought a ticket to this show because of HelloGoodbye honestly. In my pop emo punk teenage stage, they were my Myspace songs. And I bought their shirt instead. Tyler graciously accepted my desperate plea to go with me because nobody else was interested or knew Bastille well enough to want to go but whatever their loss. Okay fine so "Pompeii" was the only song I knew by them but I'm always open to trying new music out! Tyler was actually one of my favorite concert companions. It was so much fun to converse with him and he was such a good sport and he knew Bastille well enough to educate me and we listened to their album on the way. So as it turns out, HelloGoodbye actually ended up disappointing me. They only played like 5 songs and none of them were good or any of their classics except for a new one ("Everything Is Debatable"). Then their arrangement of "Here in Your Arms", which is literally one of my favorite songs of all-time, was over auto-tuned and weird and shorter and just not the magical moment I had built up in my mind. Someday maybe I'll get over it. Bastille totally made up for everything that HelloGoodbye lacked. I am definitely a huge fan of their stuff now. And the front guy was just so very nice and pleasant. 

OneRepublic and The Script and American Authors-
Usana Ampitheatre. June 2014. Amber and Taryn. OneRepublic is just one of those bands that people don't get super excited about. Or maybe it's just me but I think they are super underrated. When you think about it, they have had a ton of hits dating all the way back to my junior high days. When I saw they were coming, I thought "Hey why not! Tickets are pretty cheap and summer concerts are fun!" So I bought tickets with my two girlfriends and started listening to their newest album that they were promoting on tour as to prep myself. Holy Cuss. If I wasn't a OneRepublic fan before, I was after listening to Native. Everyone should listen to that whole thing. "I Lived" is one of my all-time favorite songs now and a theme song for life. Anyway so I put on some red lipstick and us girls headed up. making a quick stop at McDonald's for sustenance. We got there kinda late and the place was PACKED. We had to park kinda far away but it was okay because sacrifices. We heard "Best Day of My Life" by American Authors right when we were walking in which was too bad, especially because I really didn't care to hear The Script at all whatsoever. But they were funny and took some random kid's phone so they could call his ex and have everyone sing some breakup song to her. BUT ONEREPUBLIC!!! This was one of my favorite concerts ever really. Ryan, the lead singer, is such a great performer. His voice is crazy amazing and he was having so much fun and just talking to us all and making jokes. Amber Taryn and I danced like wild white girls and it was a euphoric moment. An out of body experience if you will. There really is nothing like that feeling I get from dancing like a complete fool in the grass in front of a million strangers with two of my dear friends on a perfect summer night. Afterwards, we stopped at MickeyD's again. Successful night.

Sam Smith and Broods-
Paramount Theatre. September 25, 2014. Myself. OKAY I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. I FOUND SAM SMITH FIRST. I have been with him from the beginning. I told everyone he was going to be big, I called him the Male Adele before Katy Perry ever knew who he was. I've been following him on Twitter since he was only in the couple thousands of followers. HE EVEN FAVORITED ONE OF MY TWEETS ONE TIME. ROAR. I first found him in December last year and was smitten right away. Literally there is not a single song by him that I don't love with all my heart. His album In The Lonely Hour came to me at a time when I was feeling pretty lonely and sad about my life. It was so refreshing and comforting listening to this guy sing literally some of the very same thoughts I have had about an unrequited love. Sam GETS me (and every other person who feels feelings). Anyway, so when he first announced he was going on tour, I didn't think I was going to be home in Seattle and I just was sad inside for a little bit about it that I couldn't see him but figured I would see him again someday. Then my life had some unexpected changes and adjustments so I did end up home in Seattle and I knew that I would die if I wasn't there. Or at least be extremely depressed about it. So I told my dad I wanted my birthday present a month early and wanted to go to the sold out show. So without a guaranteed ticket, I drove to Seattle that Friday night all by myself and my dad and I loitered around the entrance until we found someone an individual ticket for $125. I know I know, that's a lot of money. I even paid $25 of it. But I truly was that desperate to go. People might not be able to understand how important these concerts are to me. So I literally went in alone and introduced myself to two gay guys standing in front of me and they became my friends for the night. At first I was kinda looking forward to going to the concert by myself but I realized very quickly how lame it can be, depending on the artist I think. So if faced with riding solo as the only option, I'll still go but overall it is better to go with friends. I cried at this one too (it's not like ugly crying, just silent tears that stream down a little). Sam's voice is angelic. Pure. Perfect. He was so cute and you could tell he was just so humbled and genuinely happy to be there. Then of course, after this incredible night that I spent my birthday present on, he announces that he will be back in February. But whatever I was at a more intimate setting and I am still so so grateful I got to see this future legend at the beginning of his journey. 


The Black Keys and Jake Bugg-
Key Arena, Seattle, WA. November 1st, 2014. My little sister, Mckenna and her date, Eli. Black keys have been my number one must-see concert for the last 5 years or so (besides Bey and Paul but those are and have been dreams, not something I ever thought would actually happen. I still working on you Paul). My fondest memories of them are walking home from class and just blasting them in my ear so I can enable complete boss mode and strut with so much attitude that I scare people. They really do fuel me with so much confidence and raw power. Anyway, now that I'm home in Seattle, I've forgotten how many more acts pass through here than Salt Lake. It feels like there is someone I want to go see literally every week. But I knew that out of all them, Black Keys took priority. Except I was faced with the same problem of Sam Smith that I don't have any friends here to go with me. This may be extremely selfish of me but I begged my little sister to bring a date even though she doesn't know them at all and it was her Homecoming dance that same night. She agreed and so I found myself on my way to Black Keys as a 3rd wheel but whatever I DIDN'T EVEN CARE BECAUSE BLACK KEYS. THEY ROCKED. No other way to put it! They seriously rocked my world. I was extremely disappointed though in the audience. The arena had plenty of empty seats which I guess is fine but everyone besides general admission was basically sitting the whole time! But I've never let the audience stop me from being my true self. There was a row next to our seats that was completely empty so I made my way over there and headbanged and danced and rattled my brain. Dreams came true for me last night. And yes, being a 3rd wheel with your little sister is awkward. But maybe it's just because she was not enjoying it as much as me. I will still go as hard whether I am with friends or by myself, but I've learned for myself now that I need to marry someone who will be just as excited to go and get just as crazy. 

So that's my resumé  so far! Next on my list is Stevie Wonder in December and Hozier in February!

Music is such a big part of my life and I am just so darn grateful to be able to experience it through something as magical and inspiring as live concerts. 

P.S. I promise that I am the absolute most entertaining and fun person you can go to a concert with so let me know if ya wanna go sometime.

adventure list

1. LOSE MY FREAKING MIND AT COACHELLA!!!
2. Paint a masterpiece on a really big canvas
3. Go backpacking somewhere for a month
4. Meet Beyonce
5. Lay outside all day with not a single care or electronic device
6. Document when I am feeling the most beautiful
7. Go skydiving
8. Make an incredibly difficult and delicious meal
9. Make something out of wood
10. Run another marathon but this time run it better

That's all I've got as of right now.