THE BEYONCÉ POST

If you would like to consider yourself one of my good friends, you would first have to consider how you feel about Beyoncé.

If you think that you are well-acquainted with me, you would know that I am absolutely a die-hard Beyoncé fan. 

DIE-HARD. 

The kind of die-hard where if someone says anything that is even slightly below the highest regard for her then all of the sudden I am talking a little louder then I was a second ago and I get defensive and then eventually I am yelling and go Tyra on you because I just don't understand how "YOU COME IN HERE AND TREAT THIS LIKE A JOKE?!?! STOP IT! HOW DARE U! LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS! U ROLLIN' YO EYES AND U ACTIN LIKE THIS CUZ U HEARD IT ALL BEFORE! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FO YOSELF!" I am just triggered to take it personally. My face will get a little red and then I remember that it isn't nice to yell at people so then I try to bite my tongue because I really want to say things that would not make my mother proud. If it goes on longer than a minute, then I will just shut off, turn away and I will refuse to respond to anymore of your ignorance or look at your face for a little bit. And don't even try to compare her to Mariah (I'm talking to you Doug Neumann.

You may have something you would like to say now because everyone always does once they learn this about me and you are a person with common-sense who likes to ask the hard questions in life and I know it's there on the tip of your tongue but you are slightly hesitant to nudge it over the edge as you may be feeling the breath of my heated wrath on the back of your neck right now. So I'll just go ahead and ask it for you just to play it safe. I'll pose it in the way that I know people mean to ask it but never seem to:

"Kailey, I would like to better understand why it is that you are so fond of Mrs. Knowles-Carter as I really don't know that much about her and don't really have any credibility when it comes to any negative comments I could say involving her and her life. Will you please tell me me more as to better educate myself?"

"Why yes of course, innocent yet cultured one, I would be honored to say a few words on the subject and will gladly indulge in a mature discussion and might I add I love you." 

This is the post where I explain it for once and for all why I am so willing to be a complete lunatic for this woman, the woman that is one of my biggest role models. 

Beyoncé Giselle Knowles. 

Born September 4 1981. Winner of 16 Grammies. Married to Jay-Z, the best rapper alive, making them the richest celebrity couple in the world with a net worth of $775 million. This year's Super Bowl Halftime Show. Singer. Dancer. Designer. Actress. Philanthropist. Author. Sister. Daughter. Mother. Diva. 

I remember sitting on my best friend Lea's bed in 5th grade and listening to Bey's debut solo album Dangerously in Love. This is my earliest memory of her. I really really liked it and "Me, Myself, and I" was gospel truth and my personal anthem at that tender young age. All through middle school and high school, I knew Beyoncé was boss and she would come up in conversation occasionally and we would say nice things but that was the extent of it.

I remember loving "Irreplaceable" and "Check On It" (who hasn't done the finger point with the "to the left, to the left" and then dipped it, popped it, twerked it, stopped it?) 

She performed "Ring the Alarm" at the 2007 VMA's and was so intense and I remember being really impressed but I still didn't recognize the raw epicness I was witnessing at the time.

Then...there was I Am...Sasha Fierce and "Single Ladies" was released. 

This was THE song. My first eargasm. I fell HARD. It would come on at parties and I simply went ballistic. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. 

From there, it all becomes a blur. I just remember it all happened very fast. I downloaded EVERY single album, watched EVERY single music video, watched EVERY single interview, downloaded EVERY single Destiny Child's album, looked up the lyrics to EVERY single song, learned everything I possibly could about her from how she got started in the biz since basically birth to her favorite color (which is red), attempted to learn every dance, read EVERY single article, bought her perfume...

I remember thinking, "Where has she been all my life? Why has it taken me this long to discover this WHOA-man's world? Who was I before all of this? And who am I now?"

I feel a connection with her and her songs like I would with an older sister...a long lost older sister who doesn't know I exist but feels some sort of spiritual bond with someone out there and writes her songs as a message to them letting them know that they love you and hope that you will find them one day so that you can grow old together...and we will find each other one day.

All of her songs just GET me in some way or have a memory or person tied to it be it a good or bad one. If you haven't already read it, this post will explain why I allow this sort of attachment to happen. 

"Countdown" gets me excited on life.
"If I Were A Boy" is there when guys behave childishly.
"Diva" is the song that all my gurlz know and everyone knows how we luhhhhh to BUMP dat shiz when we ridin'.
"I Was Here " inspires me to amount my everyday life to so much more.
And you know that nothing pumps me up and gets me running faster than "Freakum Dress". 

Oh but wait there is so much more than just her songs that make up why I love this woman:

• She makes things happen. She has an idea and it is made into reality. And that's that.
• She is the only woman who could make one of the most powerful men fall to his knees in defeat and put a ring on it, someone who had previously stated in the pimp anthem "Big Pimpin":

          "Me give my heart to a woman?
           Not for nothin, never happen
           I'll be forever mackin"

APPARENTLY NOT HOVA. Apparently not. 

• She is the classiest sex goddess of them all.
• She is completely devoted to one man and one man only for the last TEN years.
• She had a child with this man 4 years AFTER marriage. That's pretty rare in the celebrity world today. 
• There is no one who is capable of what she does. Show me a human being who delivers the same amount of talent and entertainment at the same time except you can't because they don't exist. She isn't even human herself.
• She is just so ridiculously versatile, making new sounds, evolving with every album, taking risks and executing all of them flawlessly.
• She is the ultimate performer. I think people don't understand that. Sasha Fierce is just a fun alter ego. In real life, she is a sweet, conserved lady. Then she gets onstage and holds nothing back and just gets what is hers and her fans just die and we all have one heckuva party. Not even Willow can claim to whip her hair back and forth like Bey can. 
• She has an all-female band called Suga Mama. What else do you need? 
• She is devoted to several different causes and philanthropy work.
• I really respect how her and Jay try to keep their relationship as low profile as possible. Jay-Z said in a People article, "We don't play with our relationship."
• She gives a 110% to everything she does and has worked from scratch for her success.
• SHE RUNS THIS MOTHER. What can I say, I'm a sucker for female empowerment.
• She doesn't do anything to impress other people but only to challenge herself.
• Despite all of her success, she has one of the kindest and sweetest dispositions I have ever seen from any celebrity and shows the most graciousness and humility.

The list goes on and on and on...

I get asked a lot what my favorite Beyoncé song but that is like asking Taylor Swift which one of her ex-boyfriends caused her emotional trauma. There are just too many to choose from. Obviously I don't have one single favorite song. I honestly can say that I LOVE all of them (yes including...no wait ESPECIALLY "Run The World") so instead here are some that I think if everyone listened to, they would just understand. I won't force you to listen to all of them but if you do I will give you so much more credibility as a musical intellectual:

• "Crazy in Love THE LIVE PERFORMANCE" - IF THERE IS ONLY ONE VIDEO THAT YOU ACTUALLY WATCH OR SONG YOU LISTEN TO FROM THIS POST IT SHOULD BE THIS VIDEO. WATCH IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH. I think this is the one video on the Internet that alone completely sums up why Bey is Queen because of the artistry, the dancing, the music, the explosiveness, THAT STRUT in THOSE HEELS, the suspense that is built up, how insane her fans are, how insane SHE is, the theatrics, you can tell how in love her and Jay are, the fierceness of it all, the climax at 6:24 (I get chills every single time and completely lose my head when she utters "listen"), EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS VIDEO. This very well may be my all-time favorite Youtube video ever. EVER. If you didn't feel any electricity pulsing through your body at any point after viewing the video then I will think less of you as a person and I am so so sorry about it but that's real.
• "Lost Yo Mind" - Some of her most impressive vocals. This is the song I play when I am just so over a guy and "so glad that it's over" and want to lose my mind and just dance. I would LOVE to see her perform this live. 
• "Get Me Bodied" - This is the song that the flash mob at my wedding will dance to. Her live performance of this is mind-blowing as well.
• "Love On Top" - Give me a girl who isn't obsessed with this song and I'll make her love it.
• "Smash Into You" - This is the song that I want to play in the background every time I look at my husband because we are that destined for each other. 
• "I Care" - The honesty and vulnerability is just heart-breaking. Ugh.
• "Ave Maria" - One of the most splendid things your ears can listen to. I just die thinking of her singing this to Jay.
• Or you could just go and listen to all of her songs. I could write something on every single song and tell you why it is so good and what it means to me but then again there is something incredible about discovering it for yourself. 

When I really think about it, the thing that I admire most about Mrs. Sasha Fierce is how beautifully she embraces the idea of femininity. In her songs and performances, she takes on all different sides of a woman. She is fierce, independent, vulnerable, strong, caring, emotional, innocent, crazy, fun, sexy, dramatic...she does it all and she does it all fearlessly. 

She makes me proud to be a woman and unashamed of everything that comes along with it. Most of her songs are about relationships, something that I highly value in my life, be it romantic or friendly and most of those songs I have related to at some point in those relationships. Sometimes I forget to control the fierceness and I don't handle situations like a real lady would but then I just turn on "Listen " and I hold my head high, go dance, move on and start over. No matter what, she is always there with me for the best and worst of times. 

I also think she teaches a valuable lesson that it is okay to feel the way that we feel and that because we are people who can get passionate, that passion can empower us in a way to do extraordinary things as long as we use that passion in hand with positive action. 

This post took me 4 days to compose. I wanted to make sure that it was perfect just like her and that I said every single thing I wanted to say.

Now that I have served you an eight-course meal that makes up a good chunk of my soul, just take a deep breath and let it all settle and marinate. Let's just be cool.

I have said my piece so do what you will with it. 

If I have converted you, I welcome you to the diva life with open arms. Share your new found knowledge and adoration with your friends. Spread the fierceness. 

If you came into this post as a hater/Rihanna fan and I have only stirred more hatred, then you probably didn't read this far and you can go away and please refrain from bringing this up in my presence. 

If you are indifferent and you still think that she is just another musician who has nice legs and that no one in their right mind would name their child Blue Ivy (even I will admit I don't get that one) and maybe you still don't understand and are just scared now then don't worry I'm used to some people still not getting it and it is something that I cope with everyday. 

All I can say is that she has impacted me and my life in a profound way that I would only expect other fellow female hustlers to understand and I am simply crazy in love uh oh uh oh uh oh oh no no.

Long live the Queen B.